It was National Bereaved Parents Day on 3rd July 2024, an awareness event established by charity A Child of Mine in 2020 to honour bereaved parents and to break the silence around the death of babies and children.

This year’s theme was “You Are Not Alone”, encouraging everyone to talk and to be there for bereaved parents.

If a colleague, friend or relative is bereaved – whether through the death of a child or someone else close to them – do you know what, and what not, to say? The National Bereavement Service has put together this quick guide to help you have better conversations, especially in that first encounter which many of us find daunting.

1. Anticipate:

Don’t cross the street to avoid meeting someone who is newly bereaved, or – unless they’ve communicated that this is their preference – launch into a work-related conversation with no reference to what has happened to a colleague on their first day back at work.  A little thought in advance and, while the conversation may feel slightly awkward, it will be one that is genuine and leaves the bereaved person feeling that their grief has been recognised and acknowledged.

2. Acknowledge

Always acknowledge what has happened unless you’ve been given specific instructions otherwise. “I was sorry to hear….” – you may not even complete the sentence before the bereaved person responds. Their response will demonstrate whether that’s sufficient, or whether they want to have a longer conversation.

3. Listen

Not just with your ears, but with your eyes and body language. For some people a spontaneous hug is exactly right, but for others it will be intrusive.

4. Focus

This interaction must always be about the bereaved person’s experience and their preferences. It is not the time to reminisce about all the people you know who have died.

5. Be honest – with kindness

If you didn’t know the person who has died, you don’t need to invent. Concentrate on the bereaved person instead, or facts about the deceased person you know from your friend or colleague. If your colleague complained about how loudly their partner played music then “I guess the house may seem quiet now?” may show you have remembered what they have said but recognise that all changes are challenging in early bereavement.

6. Never make assumptions

Never assume anything about the relationship of the bereaved person with the person who has died, nor about their belief systems or their end-of-life experience. There are very few religions that guarantee that someone is “in a better place”. “At least they didn’t suffer” is also a major assumption. None of us can really know this, and pain and suffering can be spiritual, moral and emotional, as well as physical. What appears superficially to have been a successful marriage may have, in reality, been characterised by years of abuse of varying kinds.

7. Be specific with offers of help:

“Let me know if there is anything I can do” is too vague. Are you saying it just to be polite or do you really mean it? The bereaved person can’t be sure. Offers of meals for the freezer, lifts to go shopping, sharing the school run or help with gardening, DIY or other chores are often needed and, even if not, show that your offer is genuine. If it is likely that a newly bereaved person will be inundated with visitors, then tea, coffee, biscuits and loo roll will all be helpful.

When is your experience relevant?

You may have experienced a bereavement in the past in similar circumstances. You may choose to have a quiet word with your bereaved colleague or friend, or send a note or an email acknowledging this, saying “You may not know this about me but my son took his own life ….. years ago. I’m here for you if you want to talk about what has happened.”

Need more help in knowing what to say? Access practical bereavement support from our partner the National Bereavement Service

The National Bereavement Service supports anyone who has experienced a bereavement, including sudden or traumatic bereavement, with practical and emotional information and advice from professional bereavement advisors with lived experience.

They can help you to comply with legal requirements, signpost you to providers such as funeral directors and solicitors and provide a listening ear that helps you through a very difficult time.

Their expert advisers also help anyone to plan ahead for their own death, from Wills and Lasting Powers of Attorney to considering funeral costs.

For personal, confidential, and practical help following a bereavement, or for advice when planning your future, call the National Bereavement Service on 0800 0246 121 or visit www.thenbs.org. If you are experiencing financial difficulties, they can transfer you to one of our experienced advisers at PayPlan to discuss your circumstances.

At PayPlan, if any individuals we speak to disclose that they are struggling with the impact of bereavement, then due to the partnership we have in place, we can transfer a client directly to the National Bereavement Service hotline or make an online referral.

What you can do next

If you or someone you know is experiencing financial difficulties because of berveavement, you can call us on 0800 072 1206. We’re open from 8am – 8pm Monday to Friday and 9am – 3pm on Saturdays.

Alternatively, you can visit our www.payplan.com/police to speak to us via live chat or for more information.

PayPlan, one of the UK’s largest free debt advice providers, is faced with multiple questions surrounding debt everyday.

One frequently asked question is, “Will my partner’s debt affect my credit score?”

Here, PayPlan tells you everything you need to know when it comes to credit scores…

If your credit score is important to you, or you wish to take out credit at any point in the future, knowing what can affect your credit score is essential.

Depending on your financial ties, your partner’s credit score and debts may affect your score.

What is a credit score? 

A credit score is a personal score of how reliable you are at borrowing money. If you want to take out a loan, credit card, or any other type of credit, lenders will use your credit score to check your eligibility.

Credit reference agencies work out your credit score using your borrowing history, repayment history and other factors. This means that your score will be affected by missing payments, but it may also be lower than you expect if you have never borrowed money or used credit. This is because, although you’ve never been unreliable, there’s little data to confirm that you will reliably repay.

Can my partner affect my credit score?

Your credit score is an independent score based on your financial history.

If you live with your partner and they have debt or bad credit, this shouldn’t affect your score.

Equally, if you marry someone or are married to someone with bad credit, this won’t affect your score.

The primary way they may be able to affect your score and ability to borrow is through being financially linked.

If you have a joint bank account, joint mortgage or are both listed on the same utility bills, this will link you financially.

Once you’re financially linked to someone, their credit score and anything they do going forward will also affect your score.

Therefore, if you know your partner has debt or bad credit, it may be best to avoid financially linking yourself to them to protect your score.

What will happen if my partner and I break up?

If you have any joint accounts, you should close them down or convert them to only your name.

If you have a joint credit card or unsecured debt, you’ll probably need to pay it off in full before you can close it down.

Mortgages and secured debts can be solved by either selling the asset to pay off the loan or arranging with the lender for one of you to take over the debt solely.

Once you have closed any joint accounts and debts, your ex-partner’s credit history will still show on your credit reports for up to ten years.

What you can do next

If you are struggling with debts call us on 0800 072 1206. We’re open from 8am – 8pm Monday to Friday and 9am – 3pm on Saturdays.

Alternatively, you can visit our www.payplan.com/police  speak to us via live chat or for more information.

Staying safe online is becoming increasingly difficult as cyberattacks become more sophisticated.

Whether it be impersonating someone you know or an organisation/business that you trust, cybercriminals encourage individuals to share personal or sensitive information or click on malicious web links or attachments.

Human error has been reported as the major contributing factor behind many data breaches, and scammers will look for potential weaknesses to steal personal information and tap into systems and networks.

Research has also revealed that:

• 82% of people would like a secure way to browse the internet safely, for example, shopping online or sending sensitive information with confidence
• 59% of people surveyed say that managing their digital security is too complicated
• 73% said they’d like a trusted brand to tell them how to stay safe online

Top tips to help you stay safe online when it comes to online scams:

• Do some research so you know what to look out for. Visit gov.uk/guidance and citizensadvice.org.uk/consumer/scams websites, which are regularly updated with the latest information
• Never send money to anyone you don’t know personally, and never buy anything you’re unsure of.
• If you get a request for money from someone you know by text or over social media, call them at another number to check if it really is them asking and not a hacker who has stolen their phone number or hacked into their social media account.
• Look out for spelling errors, poor formatting, or messages that don’t use your name. These can be obvious signs of a scam. Remember, though, some scams are sophisticated and can look very real.
• Never share your personal or financial data, including usernames, passwords, PINs, or ID numbers.
• Don’t open email attachments or follow links unless you are 100% sure they’re safe. You can check whether a website is likely to be legitimate or fraudulent at getsafeonline.org
• Make sure your anti-virus software is up-to-date and run a scan before opening anything you’re suspicious of. Remember to protect your tablets and smartphones, which are equally vulnerable to online scams and viruses.
• Always update software, apps and operating systems when prompted or set them to update automatically.
• Think before you follow any link. If something seems too good to be true, remember that it probably is.

Fraud victim Harry encourages others to reach out for support 

Harry, one of our clients, has shared his story to raise awareness around Safer Internet Day and the consequences it can have on your finances and mental well-being.

What you can do next

If you are struggling with debts call us on 0800 072 1206. We’re open from 8am – 8pm Monday to Friday and 9am – 3pm on Saturdays.

Alternatively, you can visit our www.payplan.com/police to speak to us via live chat or for more information.